35 years after being given a death sentence,
I’m still alive!
by Bradford McIntyre
November 28, 2020 – Vancouver, BC – “I have been living with HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) since 1984. November 28, 1985 - I was told by my doctor to go home, inform my family, arrange my finances and funeral, I had six months to live! Today, I celebrate the 35th Anniversary of my being told I had six months to live!
In the latter part of 1984, my hairstylist noticed several lumps on the back of my neck at my hairline, which he had never seen before. Over time the lumps grew and became increasingly painful. This prompted me to visit my doctor. In 1985, after many tests, with the results always negative, the doctor suggested getting tested for HIV. I said yes, when the doctor suggested the HIV test, agreeing to have it done and signing my name to the test form. I responded almost instantaneously, without thinking and no real thought or concern.
I was in a monogamous relationship for nearly a decade and I was relatively new at being single. Never did I entertain the thought of the test results coming back anything but negative for HIV.
My HIV test results came back as positive for HIV. I had been infected. The lumps growing at the nape of my neck were swollen lymph glands, a sign that my body was reacting to HIV infection. My doctor knew very little about HIV and AIDS and recommended that I see an AIDS specialist.
With the test results positive, with the relatively new knowledge in both science and medicine and with the stigma attached to AIDS at the time, I chose to travel to another city for further information. I knew no one in Hamilton, unlike Kitchener/Waterloo where I lived and unlike Toronto where I once lived and had many friends.
So on the 28th of November 1985 having waited many months for it to open, I was on my way to a new AIDS clinic in Hamilton, Ontario at McMaster University Medical Centre. Nothing could have prepared me for what was to happen, when I arrived at the clinic. The dullness and rain of that day, had set a tone. The journey was somewhat tense. Driving into the underground parking at McMaster University Hospital seemed to have a cloud about it!
The new clinic was spacious and comfortable. Having arrived early, there was a wait and a little relaxation was needed. Reading a magazine and observing the design of the clinic, with all its activity helped pass the time. It was not long before I was called and escorted into the heart of the clinic. A clinic nurse informed me of necessary blood work and proceeded to take my blood sample.
Shortly after, the doctor arrived, greeted me, took me into his office and closed the door. Every word he uttered seemed to run together. There was so much scary information. My body began to vibrate and even my teeth chattered from time to time. My nerves were being tugged in every direction. Once he spoke the next few sentences, I realized fully that I was not prepared for what I was hearing. I had made every attempt to be as private about my HIV status by going to another city, without knowing what to expect, when I got there. Especially not what I was hearing! He was advising me to go home, inform my family, arrange my finances and funeral! I had six months to LIVE!
Soon after, I left my job and moved far away from friends and family so that no one would see me get sick or die. However, I didn't die!
With fear growing from a lack of understanding about HIV, some people known to be living with HIV were losing their jobs, evicted from their homes and discriminated against by friends, co-workers and even family. When I first learned that I was infected with HIV I only told my ex-partner and my sister. I didn’t tell my father or my two brothers.
In the past, there was much concern about whether or not people should get tested. Concern had been mounting in the debate of what to do to stop the spread of HIV infections. There was talk of people being quarantined and a possibility of being put on a government list, raising doubt as to what might be done with such a list of people infected with HIV. This prompted debate, confusion and more fear! At that time, there was little understanding of a disease with a stigma attached to it and that this disease was deadly to anyone infected. Thankfully, today we know that is not true. Individuals living with HIV can live long and productive lives!
It wasn’t until I had lived in fear for four years, waiting to die that I realized I could live for many years and decided to turn my life around. I had been living with HIV for nearly a decade, when I decided to go public about my HIV status. In 1994, while living in Ottawa, Ontario, I contacted the media and informed them I had been living with HIV for nearly a decade and healthy. After this, I was interviewed on local television and in the local newspaper
I went public about being HIV-positive on World AIDS Day, December 1st 1994 on “The Dini Petty Show” (a national daily talk show on CTV Canadian Television). That was the beginning for me, the beginning of showing up for life without fear; leaving the fear and hiding behind me!
Best of Dini Petty: Bradford McIntyre November 30, 1994: Bradford McIntrye, living with HIV since 1984, comes out on World AIDS Day 1994 and begins a journey as an HIV/AIDS warrior.
He had been given 6 months to live.
For the most part, fear was my enemy, not AIDS. Aside from the emotional and physical fatigue brought on by the fear, I was very healthy. I remembered in a moment of calm, the realization of how long I had been suffering with the fear of this death sentence.
Photograph 1994: Bradford McIntyre, living with HIV since 1984, featured in Michelle Valberg's book: LOOK BEYOND The Faces & Stories of People with HIV/AIDS, a collection of black and white photographs and stories of people all across Canada living with HIV/AIDS. www.valbergimaging.com
I hid my HIV status for far too many years and I chose to disclose because people needed to see that there are people living with HIV, who are not afraid to disclose, helping us all to move away from the fear and stigma around HIV and AIDS! It is important to me that people see and understand that HIV infection is NOT a death sentence! People, who are infected with HIV are no different than anyone else. They have been infected with a virus. The media for the most part portrayed the sick and dying and very little or no media attention was given to the people infected with HIV, who were living healthy lives!
When I decided to disclose, it was my hope that by going public I might help prevent people from experiencing what others and I suffered and prevent people from withdrawing from their family and friends. I wanted to help contribute to breaking down HIV/AIDS stigma and discrimination.
Surprising as it seems, there are still people in just about every corner of the world, who are not educated about HIV and AIDS. The fear of HIV originated from concern of being infected at a time in the early 80s, when it was not exactly clear how infections took place. We have long since understood, for nearly 40 years that HIV infections occur through unprotected sex, the sharing of needles and contaminated blood products. It was the uncertainty of how HIV was contracted and the mistaken perception that HIV infection meant an automatic death sentence that created fear and fuelled stigma and discrimination.
Today, there is no reason for anyone to be discriminated against or ostracized because they are infected with the human immunodeficiency virus!
In the early years, the incorrect thinking that HIV was an automatic death sentence created the fear, stigma and discrimination. I moved away from home and isolated myself, so no one would see me get sick and die. In those years, there were times of hopelessness, unable to really take care of myself, silently screaming for help. I was doing without, alone, afraid, waiting to die!
For years, I lived in fear until a friend told to me that I had suffered long enough and hard enough and that it was time to get on with my life! I knew it was true. I took control of my life and started to move in a positive direction. Moving away from fear allowed me to SHOW UP FOR LIFE!
Bradford McIntyre
marches proudly
in the Vancouver
Pride Parade 2004
with his homemade sign
OUT ABOUT HIV
HIV+ FOR 20 YEARS
www.PositivelyPositive.ca.
Photo Credit: Deni Daviau
Moving away from the fear allowed me to be out about HIV and to help educate others. For over 25 years, I have been OUT publicly about my living with HIV. Whenever possible, I have volunteered my time and energy to participate in HIV and AIDS causes and events. In 2003, I launched my website Bradford McIntyre Positively Positive Living with HIV/AIDS (www.PositivelyPositive.ca), designed to create awareness around the many HIV and AIDS issues and promote messages of positive living with HIV.
People need to see others living with HIV and AIDS, who are not afraid to disclose that they are living with HIV, in order to move away from the fear. This will prevent the need for people to withdraw or hide the fact that they are living with HIV. Through educating others, it has been my aim to help break down the stigma and discrimination around HIV and AIDS.
HIV has been my biggest teacher, a gift that taught me the importance of being ALIVE. My life is not about death and dying.
Thirty-five years after being given a death sentence, I'm still alive! My CD4 count (immune system indicator) is strong at 1090 (Range: 500—1600). I started antiretroviral medications in 1997 and since then my viral load has been undetectable. There have been health concerns, sickness, HIV/AIDS medications and side effects, with HIV affecting every area of my life, but there is so much more that has made my life worth living!
For a long time, November has been an important month for me. November has always been a month to get to and get through and a Celebration of Life!
Happily, at 68 years of age, I am married for 20 years to a wonderful man and grateful to be alive and healthy, positively positive… living with HIV!”
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About Bradford McIntyre HIV positive Canadian Bradford McIntyre promotes HIV and AIDS awareness and messages of positive living with HIV Activist - Writer - Speaker - Volunteer Founder: Bradford McIntyre Positively Positive Living with HIV/AIDS: Designed to Create Awareness Around the Many HIV and AIDS Issues and Pomotes Positive Messages of Living with HIV. www.PositivelyPositive.ca
A long time survivor living with HIV since 1984, Bradford McIntyre announced publicly on national TV, on the Dini Petty Show, World AIDS Day, December 1, 1994, that he was living with HIV., that he was living with HIV.
Bradford has appeared on national television and radio, in numerous newspaper and magazine interviews and documentaries; promoting the message that everyone can take responsibility for their health, regardless of doctors’ diagnoses. Along with local, national and international speaking engagements, he has participated in HIV/AIDS campaigns locally, nationally and globally. For over two decades, Bradford has participated in a variety of research studies and clinical drug trials to help improve treatment and other aspects of HIV. He has served on the Board of Directors of multiple AIDS Service Organizations.
Bradford's global impact is shown through a comprehensive, informative website. When you visit his website Bradford McIntyre Positively Positive Living with HIV/AIDS you will discover a wide variety of life affirming and supportive topics. www.positivelypositive.ca
Since 1994, whenever possible, Bradford McIntyre has volunteered his time and energy to participate in HIV and AIDS causes and events.
