Living with AIDS: my story | Positively Positive

Photo: Bradford McIntyre, featured in Michelle Valberg's book:
LOOK BEYOND The Faces & Stories of People with HIV/AIDS, a collection of black and white photographs of people all across Canada living with HIV/AIDS.
Photo Credit: Michelle Valberg
Video: LOOK BEYOND The Faces & Stories of People with HIV/AIDS

“My name is Bradford McIntyre and I’m drawn to write to you that I might share with you and others. Ten years ago, while I was living in Kitchener-Waterloo, I was told that I had been infected with the AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) virus. On November 28th, 1985, my doctor said I had six months to live. As well, he advised me to inform my family; put my finances in order and make arrangements for my funeral. After living past the 6 month mark, my doctor said I had from 18 months up to 2 years.

I was in a new relationship at the time; fear and stress had taken their toll. The relationship ended, as my partner didn't want to watch me die. I sold most of my belongings; quit my job, and gave notice that I would be vacating my apartment. I would have no other choice but to die.

A man I met from Quebec, who was living in Kitchener-Waterloo, was being transferred back to the Ottawa-Hull area. He suggested I put my things in his truck and go with him. I decided that I didn’t have much more time, and I wanted to leave with dignity, at least, that’s what I felt at the time. I was a Hairstylist with an established clientele and many friends and acquaintances. I knew that knowledge of my illness would affect these people, as well as my family.

Several months after arriving in Ottawa-Hull, still alive and healthy, I realized I would have to look for work. I found a job at a successful salon in Ottawa. However, I did not develop any relationships, as I had left home so that no one I knew would be affected by my illness.

Although I carried on with my life as if everything was wonderful, I lived in fear. I gave what I refer to as an Academy Award performance. I treasured the pleasures in life and enjoyed everything I did, as if it was for the last time.

I lived with fear for about 4 years, until an extraordinary woman came to me at the salon. Out of the blue, she told me I had suffered long and hard enough, and it was time I got on with my life. So I painted, wallpapered, and decorated what once was a beige apartment. One that had seemed pointless to make a home! Not long after, I met someone and started a new relationship.

For four years, the doctors kept advising me to take AZT. When I finally did decide to go on the drug, it was with a positive attitude. After 8 months on AZT, I developed severe side effects. I had headaches, out-of-mind experiences, nausea, insomnia, and developed neuropathy, which created a deterioration of the nervous system in my legs. These were all side effects of having taken AZT. At the time, I didn't have enough wits about me to know what was wrong, but I did know that something was very wrong.

Some AIDS patients, understandably, suffer from anxiety and depression. When I complained to my doctor about what I was experiencing, he prescribed an anti-anxiety medication, which I took for three months. I could not tolerate the new drug, so an anti-depressant was prescribed, which didn’t help. I was still suffering, plus experiencing the side effects of these additional drugs. This led me to believe that I had to find a way to fix what was wrong.

Everything contributed to the breakdown and destruction of my new relationship. It appeared as though my illness was progressing and that I might die. I hadn’t received any answers or explanations from the doctors, so I decided to stop taking the drugs.

Unfortunately, one day I came home to find my partner and all his belongings gone! I felt terrible, I loved him with all my heart, and he was gone just when I started to get better. Although alone, I was proud for believing in myself.

Then I attended a three day workshop, “The AIDS Mastery”, which is a course in living, for anyone affected or infected by the AIDS virus. I joined PWA, which is a support group for people living with AIDS. Then I read and have continued to study “A Course In Miracles”, which speaks throughout the text on the topic of the EGO. I then studied First and Second Degree Reiki, which is a spiritual practice that encompasses healing of the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual bodies.

Over time I have practiced and learned to be healthy emotionally. While learning to be healthy emotionally, I healed physically. I had felt so awful emotionally, that for years it affected me physically, even when I wasn't sick. As well, this added emotional pain to my physical, when I was sick.

It has been 3 years since my partner left and I stopped taking medication. During these years I have tried to live moment by moment, living in the NOW! My life is about LOVE, loving myself and everyone and everything. I have been involved in many aspects of emotional, physical and spiritual healing. The results of being emotionally well have tremendously affected how I feel physically. With the healthy things I have incorporated into my life,there have been many changes in how I think and what I put into my body. The results speak for themselves. I am still alive and have learned how to live a full life!

I left my job last year due to some opportunistic infections and the desire to devote the necessary time to my healing. Unable to support myself, I moved out of my home and lived with friends. I went on disability benefits and several months later, having been on a waiting list for three years, an apartment came up through AIDS Housing.

From 1994 - 2004, Bradford McIntyre continued to write letters and articles, directing them to government, media, newspapers and magazines, creating awareness around HIV/AIDS issues. Lobbying of government through letters and articles to provide proper health care/nutrition/subsidized housing for those infected with HIV and all disabilities. Bradford is active in the fight to keep nutritional supplements; vitamins, minerals, herb’s and botanicals in the health food stores and the importance of including their use and availability in our Canadian health care system. As well, the importance of Naturopathic Physicians and their ability to provide alternative and complimentary medicine.