Christmas 1993 is coming and it would be good to spend it with my family. On the other hand, my dear friends were all going to be together and Garry Spears was coming home. I wish I could put all of my friends, family, doctors and the health care staff on an island, where I could have them all in one spot. This would be one of my dreams that I would hope could come true.
For now, I have settled in at the farm and it is wonderful. My friends can come here to see me and my doctors, friends and I will work together to make my last days on this wonderful earth a pain free experience. It is a zoo and I am the "keeper" of the zoo. This has been my story with you. It has helped me to have you join me on the roller coaster ride of fears, dreams and my walk with AIDS and MAC. My Hope and Dream is that this story will keep many people in their fight and walk with this powerful thing called AIDS.
THESE WERE MY DREAMS
Starting around September 1st 1993, I began to have some very special dreams. They were so peaceful and made me feel so at peace with myself that I recorded them to share with others.
On the night of September 4, 1993, I went to bed to sleep. I had not been sleeping very well the past few nights. While sleeping, I felt my body start to move. I opened my eyes and I saw my body leave my body. I was above my body and this white, clear, thick flowing pure substance covered all my organs that were sick. I saw a tunnel and a bright light at the end of it was very inviting but it was not my time yet. My body was ready for me to re-enter it and my work here on earth was not over so I had to come back.
I saw my close friends, David Roughfy and Tony that night. Their spirits were guiding me and the force was strong. David was at peace with himself and he wanted all of his close friends to know, especially Scott. Tony wants me to finish the green room and the green room door for the patrons at the A.C.G.W.C. (AIDS Committee of Guelph and Wellington County), so I went in and finished the job. The paint brush and the sea foam sponge felt guided in my hands. It was a great pleasure to see Tony and to get the room finished so he could be at home there. His only family was the A.C.G.W.C.
This dream was so strong and it was clear to me what I was to do: I was to stay awhile longer and write my book, learn from my dreams and teach about AIDS. When I got my weekly blood work done, my hemoglobin and white cell blood count had increased. It was not normal but there was a clear change and it was good. This dream proved just how the power of the mind can work. I am glad I had this experience.
It became very apparent that I was being taken care of and guided. At first, it felt a little strange and I was not sure about all of it. Would this be something that I would be able to tell people about? I thought that it didn't matter because this was happening to me and it was real.
Just last week, I had another dream. I felt the close presence of two people. They were in a lot of pain and I wasn’t sure why I was there. We had connected and they both lived in Vancouver. They are close friends of Gloria Laird from A.C.G.W.C. In my dream, both these people had died of AIDS. I could feel their pain since they were very sick. They were not as strong as I, so I took on their pain for them.
There was such a strange, shooting burning pain in my legs and I was not sure I would be able to handle it. Pins and needles coursed through my feet and they felt numb. I surrounded myself with the vision of white light and got through the night. It felt good that these two people were pain free, at least for one night.
One of the men wants to pass over now because nothing is working for his pain and he cannot take it any longer. The other fellow has MAC (an opportunistic infection caused by two similar types of bacteria) just as I have. He is very close to me and we are so much alike. Gloria told me that he is a fighter and we have this in common too. He has lost the use of his legs but I feel strongly that he will regain short term use of them. I hope to hear that this will happen.
The will of dying is very strong. It has become very clear to me that when you find out that you’re going to die sooner than you planned that you get a strong sense of survival. You start to look at life with a whole new perspective. Every day is important and it becomes very clear that you need to enjoy every minute in each day. Every breath is important. It would be great, if people would realize this before it is too late.
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